Tag

So my sister tagged me and this was the picture. It is from a year ago when we went to the Preston Demolitian Derby and we had some extra time so the boys played on the toys before the Derby started. It was a great day and the Derby has turned into something we try to go to every year. Jeff and I went with his family for one of our very first dates back in 2001. We have tried to go every year since-with this year my family coming along for the ride. My parents were there, along with my sister Tara and her family. It was a lot of fun for us to have them all there.

Happy Birthday!

Hope you had a great day mom! This picture was from Sunday dinner to celebrate Mom and Betz's birthday. My sister fixed lasagna and it was wonderful. Mom's actual birthday was yesterday. I just want to let my mom know how much I love her and admire all that she does for our family. She has always been a great example of unconditional love and the pure love of Christ. I can't recall a day when she hasn't worked just as hard as she can. I am so impressed with all she seems to accomplish. I hope as I learn and grow in this life that I will be able to emulate the many wonderful qualities she has always shown me. She means the world to me and though all of our lives are quite busy, I do love the moments that we have together. Happy Birthday Mom- I love You!!

Good to be home

So the trip was fun. Las Vegas is full of excitement and lights and that was okay for awhile, but it sure feels good to be home. I was missing my boys way too much-though they both say they had a great time at Grandma's house, it was hard to be away from them. Jeff and I haven't taken a big trip alone since our honeymoon so it was great for us to be able to spend some time together. I will admit though, I felt lost and alone without my little ones. It really felt strange to not have them around. Jeff on the other hand, enjoyed every minute of it. He has been begging me for a trip without the kids for a while. Well, since Trae was born 5 yrs. ago.

I am trying to learn how to juggle my time and energy between Jeff and the kids. It has been difficult for me to remember Jeff needs me too. With Trae I was terrible, I never wanted to leave him unless I had to and I always felt like I needed to be holding him. Jeff paid the price for that one. I was learning how to breastfeed and still let others watch him-feeling guilty that I wouldn't be there to feed him. He never did want a bottle. I was a little better with Miguel. Jeff watched him while I went to school and I pumped a lot more, but I still struggled to find balance between my marriage and motherhood.

With the next one on the way, Jeff is worried he will lose what little bit of me he still has. I hope we have learned something with the last two and we will be more prepared for this one. I understand Jeff's frustrations-he says things get better after about a year and a half. When I quit nursing and the baby seems more grown up. I love the baby stage. You never get that back. I am going to try harder with this one to be a better wife and Jeff promises to help with the boys more. Either way I know we will get through it. We are coming up on 7 yrs. of marriage. I remember when one year seemed like such a long time and now it is 7. Time really does go by so quick. This trip was good for us because it remined us of the great time we have together and it forced us to really focus all our energy on eachother. There weren't any distractions-it was just us. I would have liked to relax more, but we did have a lot of fun. I told Jeff it will just be another 2-3 years before we do it again, atleast without any kids.

What fun

So as I looked back over the pictures from our trip I discovered that Jeff and I just don't take that many pictures. There were only a few of them and my favorites included food, especially M&M world. It smelled wonderful-almost too good. Check out all those colors!

On our Way-

Las Vegas here we come!! Jeff and I left Pocatello at 4:30 in the morning to drive to SLC this morning. We made it to our flight just in the nick of time and though tired, we are excited to be getting away-just the two of us. Grandma and Grandpa Keller accepted the challenge to watch our two little rascals, so we could take a quick trip. Jeff and I haven't left our boys for more than one night so this will be the longest so far. We are extremely thankful that we have the support of our family to watch the boys and help Trae get to and from school.

So far the trip has been great-I have moments when I miss the boys, but I know they are having a great time at Grandma's house. Jeff and I have spent the day walking all along the strip. Our feet are killing us and we are both ready to crash. It has been a good day-can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. I'll post some more pictures tomorrow.

We were on the very last row in the plane. I thought I was going to lose it a couple of times, but we made it. Yeah!!!

My life

So my sister said I seriously need to update my blog. The last week and a half have been so busy for our little family. I should explain a little bit about what I mean. When Jeff lost his job last February it was one of the scariest and most humbling moments of both of our lives. As we trusted the Lord and the plan he has for us we were able to find the strength to make things work. It seemed like forever before he was able to get another job, it was actually 2 months, which was long enough, but the point was that we were okay. You see, Jeff made sure I finished college and got my degree in Social Work. I had been working part time for about 6 months when Jeff lost his job.

Because of the blessing of my Social Work License I was able to pick up another job answering the after hours child protection emergency line at night and on the weekends. It was such a blessing and though thankful, it has turned out to be one of the hardest, most stressful jobs I have ever had. Luckily I am on a rotation and I only do it once every 5 or 6 weeks. Well, I was on-call this last week and it was full of quite emotional experiences.

As I looked at a beautiful baby girl born with meth in her system and having to be hooked up to a bypass machine because she could not breathe on her own, I felt so angry at her mother who denied ever using meth. I felt complete selfishness on the part of the mom and I could not imagine how she could jeopardize her beautiful baby's health. I walked away feeling helpless, for myself and for that baby. I wanted to yell at the mom and tell her how stupid she is and how she doesn't deserve to have children, but I told her she can work through this and if she does what she needs to for her child she can work to get her back. ( Her baby was placed in foster care the next day.) It didn't seem fair.

My week was full of trying experiences ( bruised children, angry parents, police, runaways), but the hardest part was leaving my little ones. Though Jeff was there and I am grateful for him, it is never easy to leave your own children, to take care of someone elses. Traeton understands and always asks me if I helped someone. Unfortunately, this weekend, because of work, I let Traeton suffer through a double ear infection and tonsilitis. Of course I didn't know he had all that, but yesterday when I took him to the doctor that was the diagnosis. I felt so terrible. It is hard to be a mom and make the tough choices. I debated taking him in Sunday night and now wish that I had listened to my instincts. I am learning, through being a mom, wife, woman, that I have to listen to the promptings. Whether intuition or the spirit, with the Lord we are so much more powerful than we think.

The First Snow!!

We woke up this beautiful Fall morning to find SNOW! I had heard it was coming, but I wasn't prepared at all.

Luckily the boys were completely prepared. They knew where their pants, hats and gloves were. We had to search a bit for the boots, but it was all worth it.
15 minutes was all it took, but for them it was the best thing they could have done this morning. It's exciting to see them playing together. Miguel is growing up all too quick, getting right in there with his big brother, but I can see the satisfaction on his face as he says, " I'm as big as Trae!"

Never a dull moment

Just when I was questioning the joy in my life-I was reminded once again about what is most important to me. My family! My little 5 yr. old Trae is just like his Dad and though I love them both so much-they are continuously scaring me to death with their constant injuries.

Our most recent scare came when Jeff called me a couple nights ago while I was at work and said that he was working with the horses and the boys were playing in the field. I knew from his tone that something went wrong. Then he said it, "Trae got kicked by the horse." I braced myself for the worst. You see, I am getting used to this emotional roller coaster. Trae has broken his arm twice, knocked his teeth out, and had many close calls. Jeff has also had his share of emergency doctor visits over the years.
I love my boys, but enough is enough. How much can one mother handle? Just kidding- I am learning a lot about my own personal strength, though. Luckily, Trae is okay. He has a half horseshoe bruise on his upper leg and he has been pretty sore. I have to thank my Father in Heaven for that one. It could have been so much worse. I am thankful I was not there to witness him flying from the force of that kick. One of the first things he said when I talked to him was I think I have earned a pizza party. When he broke his arm the last time, his wonderful Aunt Tara brought him pizza and he thought that really seemed to help. He got colored tootsie rolls this time-another one of his favorites.

Finding Joy

I don't have a lot of time, but I have been thinking a lot about Conference this last weekend and I can't get over the Prophet saying that we need to find joy in the journey. Maybe it is because I have felt so out of balance lately, or because life is just stressful, but I needed to be reminded to find joy in my everyday.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering how my life could be different if certain things hadn't happened or played out differently. I know I shouldn't even do that, but I admit that I have moments when I wish I knew what the master plan showed for my life. Is it supposed to be constant chaos? Because right now, it sure feels crazy at times. I am probably just having one of those moments when I feel so overwhelmed and tired. I am trying to get it all done, but sometimes it does feel like I am just falling short of doing anything with any degree of success.

So, as you can see, I need to ponder our great Prophet's message a little longer and find the joy in my life and in the journey that I am a part of. If you have ever had moments like these then you will understand what I am going through. I feel like I am always juggling-being a woman, wife, mother, employee, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, and the list goes on... Sometimes you just need to breathe.