this is a good thing, Right?

I find that I have a bit more time now that I am done nursing. It has been so hard for me to quit this time around. Trae was 12 months. Miguel was 14 months and now Maleena made it 15 and Jeff said enough. I know I made the choice, but I like to blame him as I really enjoyed nursing Maleena. I think part of me wanted to stop, but I loved the security of holding Maleena in my arms. Knowing that she needed me and nobody else could comfort her the way I could. Also anticipating that I might not have any more babies probably made it hard for me to let go of Maleena as my baby. We are now two and a half weeks done. Maleena still wonders what happened and my heart breaks that she would have nursed forever if she could. I am no longer able to put her to sleep as easily as before and night have been the hardest time for her so Jeff takes her at night. That is why I have blogged, because he is rocking her and loving her to sleep. When I try she pulls at my shirt and cries. It is too hard for me. I know that eventually i will be able to hold her again, but she equates that rocking and cuddling to nursing and it is just too hard for her right now. I miss my baby