I hate that all my life I have been fanatic about timelines. As soon as classes would start when I was in school I would figure out how many pages I had to read each week to stay caught up with the syllabus and use a separate calendar just to mark my school reading, tests, assignment schedule. It doesn't stop there, I am always jotting on the calendar how many days there are left to something. Pregnancies are the worst because there are trimesters, months, weeks, and days. I am always marking the next big thing coming up and then counting down the days. Can you say Obsessive/ Compulsive. Right now there are a lot of those things on the schedule. Christmas, New Year's, Tara's wedding, baby shower, Miguel's 3rd birthday, Stake Women's Conference, Baby due date, Stake Activity night-that I need to figure out what to do for our ward. There are always a million things on the list, but right now I just want to get to Wednesday afternoon-Christmas Eve. Jeff has been gone two weeks now and he will be home sometime late afternoon on Wednesday. I am missing him so much right now.
A lot of the plans we had for our family have taken on changes over the years. It seems that we, or I, try so hard to figure out exactly what we need to do and then it never seems that God has the same plan for us. I guess that controlling nature of mine needs some adjusting and I just haven't gotten the message. You would think by now I would remember to ask the Lord what is best for our family before I map out our future. I am learning, we are learning to rely on the Lord and I am feeling the Savior's love for me through all of the challenges that we are faced with. We have been so blessed these last couple of weeks and I can't express enough how thankful I am for the help of others. I am not so prideful that I can't say this has been a hard year for us. We have had a lot of ups and downs, but I know I have a Heavenly Father that loves us and with the Lord's help things do work out. I believe that if I remain faithful and do my part, the Lord will make up the difference where I might lack.
Jeff started his job two weeks ago and he was surprised by the kindness and generosity of those around him. He met a man and his wife at the company party after only being there for a couple of days and they were talking about their families. Well, for some reason this man felt compelled to ask Jeff if he could help us get a nice gift for our 5 year old. Without really even knowing us or our situation, he gave Jeff a gift that we have wanted to get for Traeton, but could not afford at this time. Do I believe in miracles? Would we have been okay without it, would Traeton have been okay without it? Of course, but I do not believe it was a coincidence or that this man was not prompted by the spirit to offer us some help this Christmas year. I just hope that as things turn around for us and we work through our own challenges, that we will one day be able to repay the generosity that we have been blessed with. Thank you to those near strangers that have come into our lives and blessed us this year. Weeks ago, I told Jeff this will be a Christmas we never forget and I thought that would be because of the struggle it would be for us to do all that we wanted to. I was so wrong. This will be a Christmas we never forget and it is because of the Lord and the way I have been able to witness his miracles in my life. I have been able to see how the Lord uses others as instruments of his will and it makes me want to be more in tune to hear the promptings of the spirit so that I might be able to help those around me.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
It's been a while
It has been hard for me to formulate any coherent thoughts these last few weeks. Sometimes it feels like there isn't any rhyme or reason why things happen as they do. I am learning that change is inevitable and I have to accept that. I am trying to make the best of the situation we have found ourselves in. Jeff is now working in Vernal,Utah and he has been there one week. I need to thank my sister for her suggestion and for Betz and his referral.
Maybe Jeff and I will never have that ideal work-family relationship or maybe there are more families out there that have to work apart from each other, but we are trying to make the best of what we have. Since our marriage, back in 2001, we have always had jobs where Jeff worked nights or opposite my school or work schedule. There have been a few times when Jeff had "normal" work hours and I am thankful for those times, but we have learned how to deal with the changes that come upon our family.
It is not easy, as much as I pray that it will be, this life is difficult with its ups and downs. I am grateful for the blessings in my life. Thankful for my husband, who is willing to work hours away from his family-how lonely it must be for him. I atleast, have the boys to keep me company and to help me pass the time. I am also thankful that Betz is working in Vernal too and has been able to take Jeff out a couple times.
I am especially thankful for my family. Usually I am okay, but there are times when I get down or frustrated or lonely and I am thankful that I have people around me that care about me and our family. For example, it always happens that when Jeff is not around my car breaks down. Always happens, I think it hates me or something. Well this week was no different. I was with a client and all of a sudden we saw smoke or steam coming from under the hood. I wasn't too concerned because this has happened before, we had a coolant leak. Well, a gentleman came over and said he thought it was probably a hose that broke given the huge amount of antifreeze all over the ground. I called Jeff. I don't know what he could do with no way to come and rescue me, but I still needed to hear from him-knowing he would make it all seem okay. He immediately called his Father and before I knew it his Dad and brother were towing the car and I was given his mother's car to use. I can't express how much that meant to me to know that it was going to be okay. That, even without Jeff, his family is more than willing to step in and help me when I need it.
Then, knowing that our finances are strained right now, his parents gave me some money for Christmas. Honestly, I had not bought one single thing for Christmas. I will always be grateful for the kindness that Jeff's family has always shown to me. I have never had the terrible stories to tell about the in laws and I have always felt loved, accepted and appreciated. Thanks to the Keller's for all they have done for us over the years.
Finally, yesterday my sister Tara called and asked if we wanted to come and hear Keaton's Christmas program at school. I was hesitant, given my rambunctious boys, but it was so nice to see Keaton smiling and singing and to get to spend the day with my sister. After the program Tara took both my boys, along with her Bella and I was able to go and get some Christmas shopping done. I know there is more to Christmas than what our kids get and the gifts we buy, but I have never before wondered how we were going to pay for Christmas. We don't have a credit card and neither of us wanted to get one, just for Christmas. My sister reassured me that it's okay to not get the kids great big gifts-or for Santa to not get them great big things. I just didn't want Trae to be disappointed, but I realized that he and Miguel are good kids and they will be happy with whatever they get, especially since they are only 5 and 2. With the money from my in laws, and the time, thanks to my sister, I spent the next hour getting quite a bit of my Christmas shopping done. This will be a Christmas Jeff and I will never forget.
To wrap this up, I then spent the rest of the night with Tara and Bella at her house and Costco. I love my sister. We come from a very emotional family-often loud and outspoken, and Tara and I have had our share of disagreements over the years, but I am grateful for her sisterhood and her friendship. I feel that experience binds us together and helps us relate to others and as I have grown I am learning to love unconditionally.
Maybe Jeff and I will never have that ideal work-family relationship or maybe there are more families out there that have to work apart from each other, but we are trying to make the best of what we have. Since our marriage, back in 2001, we have always had jobs where Jeff worked nights or opposite my school or work schedule. There have been a few times when Jeff had "normal" work hours and I am thankful for those times, but we have learned how to deal with the changes that come upon our family.
It is not easy, as much as I pray that it will be, this life is difficult with its ups and downs. I am grateful for the blessings in my life. Thankful for my husband, who is willing to work hours away from his family-how lonely it must be for him. I atleast, have the boys to keep me company and to help me pass the time. I am also thankful that Betz is working in Vernal too and has been able to take Jeff out a couple times.
I am especially thankful for my family. Usually I am okay, but there are times when I get down or frustrated or lonely and I am thankful that I have people around me that care about me and our family. For example, it always happens that when Jeff is not around my car breaks down. Always happens, I think it hates me or something. Well this week was no different. I was with a client and all of a sudden we saw smoke or steam coming from under the hood. I wasn't too concerned because this has happened before, we had a coolant leak. Well, a gentleman came over and said he thought it was probably a hose that broke given the huge amount of antifreeze all over the ground. I called Jeff. I don't know what he could do with no way to come and rescue me, but I still needed to hear from him-knowing he would make it all seem okay. He immediately called his Father and before I knew it his Dad and brother were towing the car and I was given his mother's car to use. I can't express how much that meant to me to know that it was going to be okay. That, even without Jeff, his family is more than willing to step in and help me when I need it.
Then, knowing that our finances are strained right now, his parents gave me some money for Christmas. Honestly, I had not bought one single thing for Christmas. I will always be grateful for the kindness that Jeff's family has always shown to me. I have never had the terrible stories to tell about the in laws and I have always felt loved, accepted and appreciated. Thanks to the Keller's for all they have done for us over the years.
Finally, yesterday my sister Tara called and asked if we wanted to come and hear Keaton's Christmas program at school. I was hesitant, given my rambunctious boys, but it was so nice to see Keaton smiling and singing and to get to spend the day with my sister. After the program Tara took both my boys, along with her Bella and I was able to go and get some Christmas shopping done. I know there is more to Christmas than what our kids get and the gifts we buy, but I have never before wondered how we were going to pay for Christmas. We don't have a credit card and neither of us wanted to get one, just for Christmas. My sister reassured me that it's okay to not get the kids great big gifts-or for Santa to not get them great big things. I just didn't want Trae to be disappointed, but I realized that he and Miguel are good kids and they will be happy with whatever they get, especially since they are only 5 and 2. With the money from my in laws, and the time, thanks to my sister, I spent the next hour getting quite a bit of my Christmas shopping done. This will be a Christmas Jeff and I will never forget.
To wrap this up, I then spent the rest of the night with Tara and Bella at her house and Costco. I love my sister. We come from a very emotional family-often loud and outspoken, and Tara and I have had our share of disagreements over the years, but I am grateful for her sisterhood and her friendship. I feel that experience binds us together and helps us relate to others and as I have grown I am learning to love unconditionally.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Christmas time already?
So, we couldn't wait long to get going on the Christmas tree. I love Thanksgiving, but Christmas is my favorite. I love the lights, the music, the food, the parties. It is all good. I don't always like buying gifts, but that is because it is hard for me to find that perfect, meaningful, yet inexpensive gift. It seems everything always costs so much these days. Anyways, we wanted to get the tree up and the boys made sure we didn't stop until it was all done.
Note the growing baby bump-I am really starting to feel the weight of this baby. We are thinking about the name Chloe, but I still like Carmen. Only 11 weeks to go!
With all the excitement of getting everything out, Miguel slipped and hit his head on a lamp. Poor kid-he knew what to do. He asked for the ice pack. We thought he looked too cute to get by without a picture.
Thanksgiving Day
The day started out with making truffles-of course I forgot to get a picture of the finished product-believe me I was very proud of the way they turned out. Miguel liked the leftover chocolate I left on the table-as you can see.
Thanksgiving Dinner was great at my mom's. We ate a great lunch at Jeff's parents, but the camera never made it out. I have got to get better with taking pictures.
Miguel was so tired from all the festivities that he fell asleep before we even got to dinner. It was nice to have the day to see family and spend time with the ones we love.
Thanksgiving Dinner was great at my mom's. We ate a great lunch at Jeff's parents, but the camera never made it out. I have got to get better with taking pictures.
Miguel was so tired from all the festivities that he fell asleep before we even got to dinner. It was nice to have the day to see family and spend time with the ones we love.
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