why can't I stop crying?

I am finding that it is in my solitude that this whole ordeal seems so hard. When I look at Traeton I can't help but be grateful for his strength, but when I am alone I can't stop crying. Not crying because he is struggling, because he is doing amazing, but crying out of disbelief and gratitude. It seems unreal to me, I can imagine how he is confused by all of this. Traeton is doing wonderful. He is back to teasing his brother and getting into trouble. He is begging to get out and play. I think I will always be a bit over protective and worried about his well-being, but he is on the fast track to complete recovery. We are all so proud of him and what he is able to accomplish. There is one thing I have noticed- he is always smiling. I don't think he has frowned once since we have been home. Just looking at him brightens my day. Thanks for all of the support and love. We have felt an abundance of love through this and I know it has helped all of us.

Traeton's latest adventure

Jeff is bugging me about getting a few pictures on the blog about Traeton, but to be honest I don't know if I have formed my thoughts enough to say anything coherent. My sweet Traeton had a stroke on Wednesday night. We went to the Doctor and initially we were told that he had a head trauma-maybe a concusion because he said that he hit his head against the neighbor boys while jumping on the tramp. He came home and said that he was having a hard time walking. I watched him walk and he stumbled over to the left side. When I looked at him I knew immediately that something was not right. He could not smile his beautiful smile. The left side just frowned and his eye had no shape to it. As time progressed we realized that he had some slight paralysis all along his left side. The Doctor said it was probably Bell's palsy, ordered a CT and we were off to Radiology. The CT looked fine so we were sent home to see how it goes. Well, Thursday morning when he hadn't gotten any better the Doctor wanted to see him again. After checking him out he decided to call the Neurologist at Primary Children's Hospital. She wanted an MRI and to see him as soon as possible. It was at this point that I heard the words-it might be a stroke.

If you can imagine me sitting there in the doctor's office with Maleena in my arms, Miguel next to me and Traeton laying on my lap, I don't know if I fully heard the words. I didn't have time to process, because the Doctor stated that we would need to get an MRI as soon as possible. Immediately I said okay, what do we do. The doctor asked if I could get some help with the kids. Jeff was at work, because we didn't expect anything to this degree. I called my parents and Jeff and then things started moving pretty fast. We went over to Radiology and then found out that we were going to be life Flighted to Primary Children's. After a quick assessment we decided that I would fly with Traeton. That was not the most pleasant way to go, not at all what I expected. It was beautiful, but both Trae and I were getting sick. Unfortunately for Trae, he could not fight off the sickness and had a miserable ride.

Once in Salt Lake the MRI showed that he did indeed have a stroke deep in his brain on the right side. It was isolated to a small area so that was great news. Through consequent tests we have found out that everything looks normal and there is no real reason for the stroke. I still can't believe that my child, nearly just 6 years old had a stroke. Even saying the words tend to hurt. I keep thinking that I am going to look over at him and he is going to smile his big, beautiful smile and look at me with that twinkle in his eye. I am quickly growing to love the new, beautiful smile he shares with me. He is amazing!! I am so impressed with his fight for normalcy and his quick desire to do things on his own. It will be some time before he is back to normal, if ever, but he is on a great journey. We all are confident that he will do most all things as time progresses. We are thankful for all of the prayers and support. We have found that it could have been so much worse and for that we are so grateful. Trae is strong, stronger than I ever knew. Probably stronger than I am at this point. I know this is getting pretty long, but we wanted you all to know how he is doing. He is getting better every minute. He is walking and talking better and getting his sweet personality back. For that we are most grateful.

 
 
 
 

He hears me...

Today has been one of those days. As I try to stay positive through Jeff's job search and the highs and lows that come with that, I am also trying to show my faith in the Lord. I have faith that things will work out and I know that the Lord is looking out for our family, but it is still a daily struggle to make ends meet. Well, tonight I was at the grocery store because we were completely out of milk and Miguel and I were walking through the fruits and vegetables. Miguel LOVES most all fruit and vegetables and he was looking at a vegetable tray and begging for it. I was telling him that we just can't get it right now, he was saying that we don't have any broccoli so we need it. Well, usually I forget that there are others around when I am struggling with my kids. As we walked away from the vegetable tray a sweet old man asked if he really likes broccoli. I told him that it is one of his favorites. He then asked if he could buy the tray for Miguel. I wish you could see this man. Even his long, white beard looked Christ-like. I know it might have been something small, but it was a huge thing for me. Thank-you to the kind man at the store, I cried the whole way home. He stated to me that if Miguel will eat vegetables then he will buy them for him. The message I got was that the Lord loves me and blessed my family with the generosity of a person I don't even know. Carrots and dip will never be the same.